
Best line of the episode goes to Sabrina for her R.S.V.P. Sabrina is going to blow Gabriel’s horn, put on a crown, sit in a throne, dance the Mephisto Waltz, and then spend eternity ruling over hell with this guy. He’s been waiting for ages for “such a fit consort” and will not accept a swap for Lilith, as Sabrina suggests. He points out that Sabrina has loved all the amazing things he gave her - beauty, power - and I have to say, he’s not wrong. Lilith brings Sabrina to Dorian’s, where Lucifer awaits her. It makes me wish this reveal had happened earlier in the season so we could have seen their relationship evolve. In this rare, moving moment of honesty, Lilith admits she keeps serving Lucifer because “it’s all I’ve ever known.” Sabrina’s reply: “What a terrible, weak reason.” I love watching Lilith learn from Sabrina’s moxie while Sabrina benefits from Lilith’s experience. Sabrina says she never understood why Lilith believed the Dark Lord’s lies, and Lilith explains how - in the grand tradition of abusive boyfriends everywhere - Lucifer started out sweet and soured over time. (Sabrina: “She was my favorite teacher and you killed her!” Sorry, but lol.) Lilith finally reveals to the Spellmans who she really is. gives Blackwood a smackdown over this whole Church of Judas nonsense and tells him that his church is now required to “report, answer, and bow down to Sabrina Spellman,” Lilith goes to the Spellman residence to do what I had hoped she would do all along: team up with these women to take down The Man. While Lucifer tends to “wayward members of his flock,” a.k.a. (In his defense … he is literally the devil.) Lilith is wising up to the fact that the Dark Lord will never, ever give her what she deserves, because he is and insecure and rude. There’s a version of this show that explains how hell is basically Office Space, and Lilith is the woman who is always getting negged by her boss instead of being given the promotion she earned years ago. Lilith (who we can now call by her given name, since the jig is up) rolls in and calls him out for continuing to demote her. If I knew he was going to be this young and hot I would have felt very differently about his arrival and also his thing about having sex with brides before their weddings.

JUST ADMIT THIS SHOW IS SET IN 1965, FOR LUCIFER’S SAKE. (A+ to Kiernan for the way Sabrina says the gates of hell “are also in Greendale.”) So the mortals go down to the mines to try to find those gates and keep them closed using whatever tools they have handy. Harvey wants to help because of course he does. Watching her boss everybody around to make the house a fortress (“Nicholas, you can put those strapping shoulders of yours to good use and help”) reminded me of how much I missed her while she was honeymooning, hypnotized, and then pretending to be hypnotized. She will NOT allow the Dark Lord to take Sabrina as his child bride.

Zelda’s maternal instincts are magnificent. Sabrina tells her aunts all about the prophecy. I’m not sure why he got to be her master if she was the one healing his wounds but that’s how old the patriarchy is, apparently. I feel like the devil would be scruffier? Like maybe he would have chest hair? Lilith explains that she was Lucifer’s handmaiden. Both of them are so specifically CW-hot that I honestly had to pause the episode to laugh. Lucifer Morningstar, fresh out of heaven, has the very groomed facial hair of someone who isn’t living in the land before time. Teen Lilith has a toga like a freshman at her first frat party and, obviously, heat-styled hair extensions. Let’s start there: Wardwell tells Sabrina her origin story and reveals that she is, in fact, Lilith. We have sexy, naked surprise-dads, boyfriend betrayals, implausible declarations of love, and unintentionally hilarious flashbacks to the dawn of time.


Mortals and witches unite in the fight against the apocalypse. Unholy smokes! It is ALL HAPPENING in this finale.
